Saturday, February 18, 2012

grief: part three

Kind thoughts, words or actions totally undo me.

Coming home to a florist box of exquisite flowers unexpectedly in the sixth week, from someone interstate, pushes the waterworks button. The kindness of not even an old or close friend, just an incredibly thoughtful one.

And much appreciated. I hadn’t cried in almost a week. And in great need of relieving the fluid building up behind eyes. And heart.

Last time I grieved a death, I noted six weeks was the turning point. The tokens of condolence tend to come to an end but it’s only now the rot begins to set in. The hard slog of coming to grips with a heavy and permanent loss. The inescapable realisation that the fabric of life has been torn.

It’s now that the kind words, thoughts and actions become rarer, ironically when you need them the most. The secret club of those who understand grief, who are no longer afraid of it or wracked with their own pain, come forth.

It’s one of those groups you don’t wish to belong to. Many shun their right of admission.

Don’t be a stranger.

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Blogger Pixie said...

I do wish grief could be a strnager to us all...meanwhile stroke the cat and remember to breathe and look around. flowers! what a joy. I am in stomach muscle protection limbo, longing for activity, but trying to use the days on the sofa to plan and dream and smile. keep going you.

9:42 am  
Blogger librarygirl said...

My mother died 16 months ago and I think it's only in the last month I haven't been sad, even if it's only for a minute or so, every single day.
I'm still sad, but not DAILY. But I'm also catching myself with happy memories too.
It's a cliche, but grief has made me stronger.

7:45 pm  
Blogger Another Outspoken Female said...

Pixie - am thinking of registering Princess Prissy Paws as a companion animal. She's been so good for my spirit, so affectionate and caring that I almost forgive her for the early morning wake up some days.

Librarygirl - I think we never stop feeling sad but it goes from being all consuming to a short visit every now and then. An 80+ yo told me recently that it's 30 years since his mother died and he still thinks about and misses her every day.

11:11 am  

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