Tuesday, February 28, 2006

remember to replace the roll

Etiquette in the smallest room of the house has long been a cause of domestic dispute. Don't you just hate it when someone finishes the toilet paper and doesn't replace it with a new roll. Or even worse, the housemate doing the shopping didn't buy any more?

As annoying as it is, would you beat someone to death with a crowbar over it?

Be very afraid next time you leave the toilet seat up boys!

Monday, February 27, 2006

stumbling and porn

Not sure whether to thank or curse the bloggers who have mentioned stumble upon. A very easy add on, especially if using firefox. But oh so addictive.

I've now had far too many hours of fun playing with things like:
The DIY kaleidoscope
Playing great music clips on the submarine channel
Then there are the links logged at exciting links for boring days

All I can say is - thank the goddess for cable with unlimited downloads.

I also stumbled upon food porn watch which logs whenever a registered food blog has a new entry. Since I added confessions of a food nazi the hit rate has gone through the roof. Or maybe that's because everyones drooling over my recipe for mash?

Friday, February 24, 2006

what's wrong with this picture?

George McKee, 50, of Paisley, Scotland was jailed yesterday for raping his step daughter Kerry.

George McKee, was jailed yesterday for raping his 14 yo step daughter Kerry.

George McKee, was jailed yesterdayfor raping his 14 yo step daughter Kerry, after she became ill from taking a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

George McKee, was jailed yesterday for raping his 14 yo step daughter Kerry, after she became ill from taking a cocktail of drugs and alcohol and fell down the stairs knocking herself unconscious.

George McKee, was jailed yesterday for raping his 14 yo step daughter Kerry, after she became ill from taking a cocktail of drugs and alcohol and fell down the stairs knocking herself unconscious with life threatening brain injuries.

George McKee, was jailed yesterday for raping his 14 yo step daughter Kerry, after she became ill from taking a cocktail of drugs and alcohol and fell down the stairs knocking herself unconscious with life threatening brain injuries. She had been put in the recovery position with instructions that she not be moved, while her aunt went and got help.

George thought – yippee a drunk/drug fucked/brain dead/teenager/who is in my care “how about a bit, darlin’?”..and carried her upstairs to bed, where he raped her and was discovered there by paramedics.

Kerry died two and a half hours after the rape, as a result of her head injuries.

The judge sentenced him to jail for 9 years for the crime.

But wait there's more – last year her 16 yo sister, Amanda, was arrested on suspicion of Kerry’s murder. Before the full horror of the night was revealed, police believed Amanda had beaten her sister about the head, causing her subsequent death. On the same night she also allegedly assaulted her step father.

"Muchan is also alleged to have assaulted a George McKee, also from the same address in Ferguslie Park, by striking him on the body with a knife, a garden hoe, pots and pans."


Hitting the creep with assorted domestic implements was the least she could do after he had just raped her half-dead sister. One wonders if he had been dishing out the same treatment to her over the years too.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

come on get happy

The quail in the ”Dick Cheney’s Got a Gun” video reminded me of the bird in the Partridge Family. This was one of those wonderful American feel-good kids shows in the 70’s, that featured a dysfunctional family being strangely functional. This influenced a whole generation of kids who thought ‘if only one of my parents mysteriously died, we could be a happy family too’. I mean, this family had no father, Mike’s wife and Carol’s husband in the Brady Bunch had sadly departed, a deceased mother left a huge brood in Eight is Enough for a dad to raise… all with no grief counselling and they were all happy.

But I digress, while searching for the bird I came upon this delightful site -The Partridge Family Temple. Part religion, part psychosis, part spoof, part exposure to way too much tv. People this is a fine example of what growing up in the 70s does to you.


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

cancel the games

Thorpies sick. The bloke is really sick. Too sick to go to the opening of a new concept store. So that must be really, really sick.

His coach said "He's been pretty crook. Any time out of the water is not good".

I'm taking it the store launch that he was flying in for was in the water, so not to disrupt his training schedule. Or his appointments with his hairdresser, stylist, beautician, manicurist...

Without the Thorpedo we are nothing. That's it. Cancel the games.

Monday, February 20, 2006

certainly

This morning is one of my glorious “work from home days”. I have ceased calling it a day off because although I am not in the office doing what I do, this behind the scenes stuff is almost as time consuming.

So today, yes I had a lovely sleep in and I can ‘work’ in my dressing gown (getting dressed is a point of no return, I like to stay in denial for as long as I can when it comes to working) – I look at my home office and realise there is a shit load of stuff to be done.

The 257 unread emails in my inbox: which I believe and sincerely hope are just professional mailing list epistles, mainly from colleagues in the States who are saying things I am not hugely interested in hearing. Only I don’t dare delete them unread, in case there really is something of note hidden amongst them.

The book outline I am writing (non fiction).

The barebones of fiction I started and stopped (3 or 4 pieces).

Work admin to be sorted.

Bills to be paid.

And then, just as I was getting my teeth into the outline (reworked the basics of an entire chapter, thank you very much) and I tried to sort through the mess that is the electronic home of my document files – a sinking feeling hit me. Just three little letters…

Give me a G

Give me a S

Give me a T

The bane of the self employed, the Good and Services Tax. Back in 2000 the government sang us sweet songs about how this would unchain us from outdated fiddley taxes. In fact they spent $420 million of our precious taxpayer money trying to convince us it was “not another tax, it’s a new tax system”. Really, it’s just turned into a tax to pay for the ads, to sell us the tax after all.

The cliché goes “there are only 2 things certainties – death and taxes", but those in the medical profession have a third cert. on their list.

I had the misfortune of sitting next to a young British doctor on a trans Tasman flight. He had begun bugging me at the gate lounge, wondering if I could carry some extra duty free for him (I kid you not). Rather spookily, just when I hoped to see the back of him as we boarded – he whipped out his ticket which revealed he was sitting in the next seat to me. The flight was full; I pulled on my walkman (remember life before the ipod?) and attempted to ignore him. But he persisted. After he had let me know in no uncertain terms what class he was from (reference to his nanny and elite schooling) he banged on about how he would cheer himself up when he was feeling down. You see, he informed me, the third certainty in life is nurses. All he had to do was consult his little black book and there would be the phone number of some nurse who would be grateful for some well-bred rogering. As I headed off to the toilet to vomit, he looked askance “Want to join the mile high club?” Why I didn’t loose my lunch over his smug little face at that point, I do not know. Instead I shared with him a fourth certainty – not in his lifetime.

Poor lamb, really all he wanted to do to me is what our government is doing to us. Over and over again.

And with certainty I know each quarter I swear I will keep up with my bookwork, file my bank statements, keep track of my sundries and remember how to fill in my BAS...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

mistaken indentity

Sure




looks like




especially after a few of these



and you have been known to have one or two



too many in the




past

But that would be mere scuttlebutt to suggest there was any particular reason why the Vice President refused to be interviewed until 14 hours after the event.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

democracy, katrina and fish

Despite attempts to the contrary, the controversial legislation concerning whether the health minister or the appropriate authority has the right to say yea or nay to
RU486 was passed today. I’m still sitting on the fence as to how medically safe this drug is, but the bill has been about appropriate use of power, not the safety of this pharmaceutical. Not that you would notice, when the prolonged debate in both houses was emotively about the rights and wrongs of abortion.

Nothing like a conscience vote to see “democracy” in action. When did we elect a person’s conscience, rather than an advocate for their constituency?

I was going to make reference to the human rights atrocities that our friends from the US have perpetuated once more – but whining never stopped bullies.

Hell, if these folk can’t even take good care of their own, why should we expect them to treat their perceived enemy with respect? I speak here of the fate of those made homeless by Katrina. You remember, last August, big winds, water, over 1400 dead in 7 states, superdome murders/rapes/beatings, FEMA fuck ups…What has happened to the more than 12,000 families who remain homeless? Why, the government thinks that they are getting too cosy thank you very much, in their FEMA assisted hotel rooms and will give them the boot.

For those who were lucky to once have owned a home - now either destroyed or left battered, mouldy and desperately in need of tradesmen to repair them – insurance companies are playing hard ball. Perhaps the best report on the whole situation is from one of my favourite bloggers. Lisa is a single mum, no longer with an income, who is chronicling her journey through the hurricane, staying with the friends from hell and now returning to New Orleans to an uninhabitable home and you guessed it insurers that won’t put their money where her policy is. Read it, wrack your brains and help us come up with some ideas how to get a fellow blogger back on her feet.

Ok I’m tired and emotional now and am going to go to bed.

PS: apart from emoting I have been cooking – fish and more fish!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

sexy beasts

Don’t even think about going out for dinner tonight. All the seats are booked for tables of two staring lovingly into each others eyes. Need some flowers? Hold off til tomorrow when your local florist will be begging you to take long stemmed roses off their hands for a song. Avoid commercial radio like the plague. Do that anyway, its mindless crap at the best of times let alone when they play saccharine love songs back to back.

Yes today is that day.

Singles Awareness Day.

For other folks, who fall into capitalist traps and follow the catholic calendar - it is the feast of Saint Valentine. Which Valentine they are commemorating and why some tragic, virgin martyr is a symbol for coupling I will never know. But like the rest of this pope lead religion, it's all beyond me anyway.

Those with pagan roots (and let’s face it, there’s nothing better than a good old pagan root any day of the year) know that if you scratch the surface of almost any christian festival, something more ancient and sordid lurks beneath. In this case, a festival more bacchanalian than romantic, involving animal sacrifices and dressing up in goatskins. So impress your loved one this year by chucking out the Disney influenced paraphernalia of cards and chocolates, and slaughter a goat together instead.

Now goats we know are sexy beasts and such festivals are really about fertility. In the spirit of the ancient Greeks, I am sure there is the odd Liberal MP who would think it is our non-Muslim, Australian duty to go out and procreate. After all, she believes with access to RU486 we (thinking, middle class, white women) are going to abort our kind out of existence, creating such a population imbalance, Australia will be a Muslim nation in 50 years.

But its not all bad, under Islam we won’t have to be bombarded with Valentine’s crap every February.

Monday, February 13, 2006

another good reason to get to know your neighbours

The skeletal remains of a Sydney resident were found in his home today, an estimated six months after he died

Thursday, February 09, 2006

thursday quickie

The senate got something right for a change. Despite the huffing and puffing, commonsense has prevailed and the “RU486 bill” has been passed, however topsy turvily in the upper house before the lower. The fundamentalists tried to hijack it to be an issue about abortion, when all it is about is who is the proper authority to decide whether it is safe for doctors to prescribe it. But what does it say about our legislative system when there is more discussion about the legitimacy of a ministerial veto, than on say, the massive industrial relations legislation swept through with unseemly haste last December?

It’s official – 24 hour McGuirevision at channel 9. The good news is the little ray of sunshine will now have to move to Sydney to keep his hand on the tiller.

But even better, guess who is now NOT moving to Sydney, thanks to a second round offer to study at a worthy Melbourne institution!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

come back fruit of the loom, all is forgiven

Old news, but still recent in the world of herald scum freebie ‘mx’…

Did you hear about the aussie entrepreneur who thought it was a good idea to make mens underwear impregnated with vitamins and essential oils?

Those who spruik it claim that the undies contain
”..either Acerola (Vitamin C) or Ginseng which have energising, regenerating properties…(which) is going to give the guy a sensation and experience,,."

Perhaps cayenne pepper would be more invigorating?

Really, other than as a counterirritant (substances that piss the skin off) do the guys buying it actually believe that the vitamin or herb is going to be absorbed into their butt cheeks and give them a sense of wellbeing?

Sales are booming in the States, but flagging at home. Fancy that, we have a nation of bright cookies after all.

Friday, February 03, 2006

not funny

Or at least that's what the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and many of his colleagues, thinks of this cartoon that appeared a couple of days ago in the Washington Post.


Tom Toles cartoon courtesy of the Washington Post

In the meantime we have enough home grown comedy of our own to chuckle about as the collective amnesia of the AWB is rocked by a bit of whistleblowing and pics of the former AWB Chairman Trevor Fluges and his sales chief Michael Long posing with guns and sacks of money in Iraq.



"Mike with sacks of loot, Iraq 2003" nicked from The Age

Still know nuffink boys?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

miracle cure land

Those with an “incurable” illness or condition get a star to wish on, thanks to Disney’s new reality tv program. Participants get their medical procedures paid for and filmed, in return for being guinea pigs in controversial new surgeries or treatments.

Take one vulnerable, incurably ill individual. Add a healthcare system only accessible to those who have money/insurance. Sprinkle opportunism and create gawk-o-vision.

Will “Miracle Workers” show the cases that fail? Well these are the same guys that bought us “Pollyanna”, so what do you reckon?

I can see our new health minister overhauling medicare as I write…
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