Friday, November 03, 2006

a good day to be cloned

I’m split today between honouring the dead and being with the living. It’s been one of those weeks where there has been an anniversary, a 3rd death in 4 months and peak stresses for those who are at the point of finishing the academic year. Today it all comes to a head. I have a dozen clients to work with and a funeral for a friend’s father, out of the city, that I want to go to. Though I only crossed paths with him briefly, being physically there to show my support for a friend at such a tough time is really important.

In the end, the living have won out. I have limited slots in my diary to rearrange so many people and my initial attempts to do so were thwarted at every turn. I realised this took my stress levels to a very uncomfortable place and I had to make a decision.

I did. But I still don’t feel good about it.

I know that a funeral (like a wedding) is just one day on a very long journey. The day usually passes in automatic when it is you in the front row saying goodbye. I know that things get rougher as the weeks and months go by (sorry L if you are reading this, but it does – but the good news is that eventually you turn a corner and realise you didn’t cry that day, then that week, then that month.)

I know all this, but still don’t feel better. Even though the wine, flowers, food, friendship and support will be offered limitlessly in the future.

Just not today.

Today I am in two places.

But deep down the place I want to be is in bed, hiding under the doona with the cats, until it is tomorrow.


Blogger Brownie said...

I do wish ALL funerals were at weekends so that the "not actually griefstricken but want to show friends they care" type people don't have to justify absence from work.
Funeral Rant 2. Why! have funerals at 10 and 11 am when this makes it so hard for those needing to travel 4 hours to attend.

6:21 pm  

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