Sunday, April 30, 2006


been too busy kicking leaves

Saturday, April 29, 2006

another reason why we have to sell off medibank private

Perhaps the latest firesale is helping fund this little termination package.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

truth is always the first casualty

A lost body. Bogus cause of death. PM woken from slumber to talk to a pissed off widow.

Something's fishy and not just in the State of Denmark.

The story behind Australia's first soldier to be killed in Iraq is full of more hype, red herrings and bullshit than the usual media circus surrounding the whole war. Just a moment before ANZAC day, that macho glorification of war public holiday, news of our own little soldier dying accidentally in Baghdad came down the wire. We were told that he died cleaning his gun, in his quarters, in the Green Zone. How many experienced, soldiers clean their gun with ammo in the chamber we wondered.

Today the Minister of War Defence has announced this was in fact not how he died. But gave no coherent explanation of how he did.

Now the casket has arrived back in the country, but Private Kovco is not in it.
So who's body is in the coffin?

Mokbel was ripped off

photo courtesty of The Age

Would you have paid $1.1mil for this tilt slab monstrosity in outer Brunswick? That is the value of the property according to the owner (on paper), the sister-in-law of the now disappeared gangland figure Tony Mokbel.

The property, used as bail for the now on the run criminal, will be up for sale next month if he hasn't reappeared. Would you pay that much for it? I guess the speed lab previously on site gave it extra value in a home based business kind of way. But without it, does it really cost that much to lived in Brunswick now?

Friday, April 21, 2006

a rose by any name would smell so saccharine

“Mx” reports that TomKat may have invented a new Hebrew word for their child. Suri, Israeli pundits tell us, is not a word for Princess as Cruise had claimed. It is however Hindi for Lord Krishna, “pointy nose” in some Indian dialects and “pickpocket” in Japanese.

Photo’s of the child’s nose have yet to be published.

The kid however, shouldn’t get too hard a time in the playground, if not without my handbag’s run down on all things baby-names is anything to go on. (Thanks the Editter). Latrina, is one of my fav’s. but Sharmonica has quite a ring to it.

Legendary names from NZ in the 70’s included Mt Albert Bus Stop and Janola (a brand of bleach). But this may have been an urban legend? Though I can verify that a Melbourne couple named their offspring Cinnamon, Nutmeg and Mace.

Any interesting names in your world?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

does my bum look big in this?

Dating can be rather tedious.

Especially in the early days of a ‘maybe’ relationship. All that pandering to egos. The anxiety over does s/he really like me? Do they like me too much in a creepy kind of way? Should I join a gym? Does my breath smell good? Is this going anywhere?

All this can be a thing of the past if the boffins have their way. Artificial sex partners are the new buzz in the world of sex research. Now you can create your own perfect sex partner, physically engineered to your specification and programmed to whisper the sweet nothings (or gutter mouthed groanings) that you desire.

But if you are an old fashioned kind of guy/gal and human input is what you, this too can be arranged at the safe distance of the internet via a remote controlled vibrator or “teledildonics” as it is known.

That’s all very well, but is it going to put the garbage out?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

thorpedo a tad infected

It’s official - Thorpie has the kissing disease.

I’m sorry to disappoint regular readers of Thorpe Watch, as our favourite little fish has been out of the spotlight since the Stolenwealth Games. But now thanks to a slow news day at The Age, he’s back in the spotlight again.

It seems the little poppet has “a strand of glandular fever”.

As the standard test for Epstein Barr only takes a few days, am not sure how this is suddenly hot news. However his coach has promised us he’s back on the road to recovery, getting in the pool again this week.

Glanular fever aka – mono (mononucleosis), EBV or the kissing disease is usually spread by contact with body fluids. I should know having contracted it at the tender age of 15. Transmission was tracked back to sitting in a mini cooper (one of the originals not the trendy remake), necking a bottle of very cheap kiwi sparkling wine with 2 others. On of whom, it appears, had the dreaded glandular and the rest is history.

But how did the Thorpedo succumb to the dreaded virus?

From too much body paint?

Not wearing a proper hat on a winter’s night?

Having cold feet?

Peroxide over exposure?

As a result of his “great rapport with the opposite sex, and love, romance, and passion are absolutely vital to (his) well-being.” (Hey astrology never lies).

(Or perhaps that is lack of passionate interaction with the opposite sex, if it is so vital to his welbeing?)

Don't worry love, the offer of Fashion Editor at Large for Other Rants still stands.

Friday, April 14, 2006

found objects

I’ve been watching “The Gleaners and I”.

I try to curb my gleaning. I am a clutter queen who yearns to be a minimalist. But ultimately, fail.

Lucy Tartan gleans. What is more she shares her windfall with others.

Who hasn’t poured through the hard rubbish the night before collection, or picked a flower or fruit hanging over a fence?

Where I am staying I have spied a feijoa tree. Or rather, I saw a fallen feijoa on the nature strip. Mystified, I looked around me and discovered a tree. They aren’t ripe enough to eat yet. But I keep collecting the fallen fruit and bringing it home.

I heard a show on kcrw last year about a group in LA who map edible plants growing in public places. Fallen Fruit is a project after my own heart. As a person who has always lived in a subtropical climate, the sight of guys picking bananas on the streets of a metropolis with such a disparity of wealth and poverty, gladdens me. Anyone got the urge to map Melbourne fig and other trees? A collaborative blog?

This will be my first winter without an open fire. For many years I have collected pine cones. Nature’s little firestarters, I call them. I know all the “pinecone trees” in the Melbourne cemetery. Enough for a whole winter. It’s been very hard for me to not scavenge for them now autumn is here.

I scavenge images, old tickets or even discarded lists for art therapy sometimes. Others may call it assemblage or collage. For me its about the process - tearing up magazines, placing shapes and colours, not the end result. Others turn found objects into sculpture.

Whatever you glean - be it food, ideas, music, images or inspiration, may you have a bountiful harvest.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

novel uses for kitchen utensils

Midday, Atherton Rd, South East Melbourne:

Ingenious local gentleman riding his ‘modified’ bicycle. Milk crates either side of carrier in lieu of panniers. In an attempt to comply with the Highway Code, one of these strapped onto his head.

Just how much impact can a colander sustain?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

just not cricket

A provincial English cricket team has had its knuckles rapped over it’s choice of sponsor. Southport Trinity Cricket Club was threatened with expulsion from the Liverpool and District Competition of the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) Premier League for wearing it’s sponsor’s shirts in the local games. It appears that promoting the local sex shop is just not cricket, while other ‘vices’ such as alcohol and gambling are deemed aok by the league.

This is rather odd, as sex and cricket go together like a pie and a pea floater. Just think Shane Warne. In fact, google sex scandal and cricket and the majority of the 60,000+ entries are dedicated to the man. He’s got to get gold for that one.

Sex and sport has always been a tight fit – think almost any football code and this country and you find a “forced sex” scandal or three.

But perhaps consensual sex, just aint sport.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

move over Alison Dubois

Do we pity the poor Federal Police officer who has been suspended for consulting a psychic over assassination threats to the Prime Minister? The high ranking officer took it upon himself to speak to a Mystic Meg he knew socially, when they ran out of leads.

The problem doesn’t arise from consulting a psychic per se, rather discussing a highly sensitive security case with an outsider.

When questioned by reporters Elizabeth Walker, the aura reader at the centre of the controversy stated: "It's an extremely sensitive situation … how did you find out about this? If this gets out, the lad will lose his job.

Apparently, she couldn’t see it coming.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

house update

I’ve been gutted.

Soon I will be shiny and new.

Welcome to my new bathroom (background) and kitchen.

Pull up a chair in the lounge. (Imagine some bifold doors and a *cough* landscaped garden behind).

When the rain stops the roof is coming off.

Plans have been changed so many times I have no idea how it will turn out.

Give me another month and I might start making sence again.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Condi’s platitudes

Condoleeza has been out and about in the UK this weekend. Amongst the soundbites was this one:
The US has no desire “to be the world’s jailer”.

I guess it would be cheaper to just to kill anyone who may in any way be a threat to the regime and their desire for world domination. Or perhaps, if they looked like someone who would disagree with them.

She even went as far as saying that despite not signing the Geneva Convention all care was taken to treat them in the same way, as if the US had.

But this is the same woman who said about such detainees back in 2002, before the US lead invasion of Iraq:

"To sedate them on their flights, or to put hoods over their heads and surgical masks over their faces, to shave them and put them in solitary confinement on a concrete floor surrounded by barbed wire may be, of course, some people's idea of a Caribbean vacation.”

Yes Condi, a P&O cruise.
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