Tuesday, February 14, 2006

sexy beasts

Don’t even think about going out for dinner tonight. All the seats are booked for tables of two staring lovingly into each others eyes. Need some flowers? Hold off til tomorrow when your local florist will be begging you to take long stemmed roses off their hands for a song. Avoid commercial radio like the plague. Do that anyway, its mindless crap at the best of times let alone when they play saccharine love songs back to back.

Yes today is that day.

Singles Awareness Day.

For other folks, who fall into capitalist traps and follow the catholic calendar - it is the feast of Saint Valentine. Which Valentine they are commemorating and why some tragic, virgin martyr is a symbol for coupling I will never know. But like the rest of this pope lead religion, it's all beyond me anyway.

Those with pagan roots (and let’s face it, there’s nothing better than a good old pagan root any day of the year) know that if you scratch the surface of almost any christian festival, something more ancient and sordid lurks beneath. In this case, a festival more bacchanalian than romantic, involving animal sacrifices and dressing up in goatskins. So impress your loved one this year by chucking out the Disney influenced paraphernalia of cards and chocolates, and slaughter a goat together instead.

Now goats we know are sexy beasts and such festivals are really about fertility. In the spirit of the ancient Greeks, I am sure there is the odd Liberal MP who would think it is our non-Muslim, Australian duty to go out and procreate. After all, she believes with access to RU486 we (thinking, middle class, white women) are going to abort our kind out of existence, creating such a population imbalance, Australia will be a Muslim nation in 50 years.

But its not all bad, under Islam we won’t have to be bombarded with Valentine’s crap every February.

9 Comments:

Blogger flying kiwi said...

only good thing so far - Tom Waite's "Blue Valentine" on JJJ.

10:08 am  
Blogger The Editter said...

yes, I had to go out to dinner one year while single with a single man with no romantic connection to me (he was only in town for one night and we'd agreed to go to Lord of the Rings, unaware it was Valentine' Day till it was too late!). Man, we got bombarded with candlelight and flower-sellers and felt forced into a discussion of failed relationships. Single Awareness Day indeed, or Single Affective Disorder.

12:35 pm  
Blogger muse said...

as a/the resident pagan, I can point you to some good deals on quality goat skins, my friend. Besides, if it's a good old fashioned whipping that you fancy, I know some people that you might want to meet too. *evil grin*

;)

Personally, I prefer these Valentines:

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3574

Oh, and I'll take all the chocolate that I can get, thank you!

4:09 pm  
Blogger muse said...

P.S. I was just kidding. About the goatskins I mean.

I do "know some people". *devilish grin*

4:17 pm  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

Never mind that- join the REAL sexy beasts at this friday's grogblog.

Sorry?

I will be there. What more motive could you need?

5:45 pm  
Blogger Another Outspoken Female said...

sadly armaniac, at this point have another engagement :(

muse : I have passed flogging 101 and am currently enrolled in advanced crop work :) but am sticking to vegan goatskins this year.

8:40 pm  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

Yes, and last night I really didn't want to cook, but there was no way eating in a restaurant was going to happen. And now I'm craving goat's milk cheese.

9:22 am  
Blogger elaine said...

I had a platonic dinner last night at Supper Inn.

It was really fun watching the awkward couples!

4:06 pm  
Blogger Another Outspoken Female said...

Supper Inn is great and not classically romantic - no dark corners with discrete waiters. Perfect.

I went out with a friend to a debate at the town hall (free) "Is documentary better than sex" (sex won) and a quick utilitarian feed at gopals.

Object of my love stayed at home with his cats. We both were happy.

11:10 am  

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