Tuesday, January 17, 2006

stuff

I may have been a bit lack lustre of late here at Otherrants Central and am just warning that that state of affairs is likely to continue. Or at best expect them to be erratic.

I have resisted as much as possible the pull to make this an openhearted online self-indulgent sob fest. But out of a sense loyalty to the odd souls who regularly pop by, I thought you at least deserved an explanation.

The one that I love is 99% sure he is moving cities next month. He is doing it for all the right reasons – a great opportunity to study and to also meet some familial obligations. He will be gone, at this point for 3 years, to life – and like the prison sentence it sounds, my heart is not leaping for joy. Though if he was doing time, I doubt I would feel as proud of him as I do now.

For equally good reasons, I cannot easily relocate my life. My inner romantic self feels very guilty for such headstrong reasoning, but that is just the way it is. I was talking to someone today who catalogued the horrors of the year that had just gone and she ended with “what is, is”. I am considering adopting such a fatalistic approach, because fighting the situation is becoming rather tiring…and tiredness and blogging do not make for good bedfellows, or anything else.

In the meantime the “1%” possibility is driving me nuts. It brings up all my hopes and insecurities, which then play hide and seek with a pervading sadness.

I read something recently about optimism – basically it claimed that being an optimist didn’t mean you wake up each day believing in some kind of Disney Utopia (or that’s the way I rephrased it), rather you awake with the belief you could cope with whatever life throws at you – good or bad.

Right now I am embracing my own optimism. I do not feel optimistic about an open ended, long distance relationship, but I do about my ability to make it through the days and weeks til I find resolution.

Not fishing for comments on this one, merely explaining a few hiccoughs in transmission.





sunset Wilson’s Prom

5 Comments:

Blogger Iain said...

Life is always uncertian and how we cope with that is the thing , that matters . It is So easy to get caught up in "what if " games that even when our relationships are going well we don't apreciate the good times.

9:01 am  
Blogger muse said...

I like your kind of optimism. I'll adopt it as my new definition from now on. :)

As for your current situation, well, there is nothing soothing or insightful that comes to mind, so here's a *hug*.

11:14 am  
Blogger guru Rex said...

I agree, not a very fun time, for anyone :-(

5:01 pm  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

Shit shit. Not great.

You have friends among the Northcotian blogger crew, if it's any consolation.

12:40 am  
Blogger Justine said...

Sounds like you're about to become a domestic frequent flyer. Or else get aquainted with the joys of interstate bus travel. :-)

Good luck with it.

7:50 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer Posts Older Posts