Sunday, December 04, 2005

sedition and scrotums


privatise Howard’s scrotum Fitzroy, Melbourne December 2005

Howard has come up with the strangest justification for the Sedition provisions in the Counter Terrorism bill – “its been there for the last 50 years” (so why did you need to rewrite it into the new laws if that is so?) and what’s more “said Liberal backbencher Malcolm Turnbull's argument that the laws were outdated were not a justification for the criticism.”

Outdated laws – along with the likes of?
Habeous corpus
Women having the vote
Aboriginals having any rights at all

Or perhaps English laws like (1388) all men must own bows and practice archery on Sunday’s and holidays (repealed in 1960)

Oh no Johnny is talking about real laws that still exist that should have been repealed by now.

Like some of these US regulations perhaps?
- Alabama:
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

- Alaska:
It is illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

- California:
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

- Connecticut:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

- Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Any form of sexual contact other than missionary position.

- Indiana:
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

- Iowa:
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

- Kentucky:
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

- Louisiana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

- Massachusetts:
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

- Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

- New Mexico:
Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

- New York:
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

- North Dakota:
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

- Ohio:
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

- Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

- Pennsylvania:
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

- Texas:
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

- Vermont:
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.

- Washington:
All lollipops are banned.

A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.

In King County, in Seattle Washington, it is illegal to sit on a man's lap on a metro bus, unless you are married.

Vancouver, WA has a city law that requires all motor vehicles to carry anchors... as an emergency brake. (Ted Timmons)

- West Virginia:
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."


And we think we've got problems?

3 Comments:

Blogger flying kiwi said...

You have to wonder what happened to occasion some of those laws...

10:49 am  
Blogger Brownie said...

teaching is tough in West Virginny alright. My horoscope advises against ranting today so I'll say no more.

9:46 pm  
Blogger R H said...

My horror-scope advises I send money to the horror-scoper:
"Now that the moon is aligned with Saturn," it says, "Don't pay your next electricity bill. Send me the money instead."

Well now, how's that! Blatant if you ask me! But then again, maybe it's worth it. Who wouldn't live in the dark for a bright future?
I sure would! And anyway, clairvoyants deserve to get rich. After all, how to pick a winner is the only thing they don't know. Poor things.

8:11 pm  

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